Some days are just hard...

Hey there! I haven't posted in awhile and feel like I need this blog more than ever right now. My hubby is currently deployed.  As far as my circumstances at the moment thing are pressing real hard on me. There are times where I can really pull myself out of the darkness...but this darkness seems to be really lingering. I know God is faithful and there is light at the end of this tunnel, but its a hardship I'm really trying to see God's good in whether its teaching me to be patient or to be quick not to anger. It has created Anxiety, so much so that at times I feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I feel like I can't take it anymore! I wanna RUN and HIDE! Where are the people!? Where is the compassion!? I really wish my hubby was here right now. He knows how to calm me. I wish I could share my "troubles" but there seems to be NO ONE who understands. I got myself into something, now that I wish I hadn't. I believe in peoples words and of course it ONLY gets me in trouble. I pleaded my case and even cried because of the stress it is causing me. But not sure if this person is even AT ALL sympathetic of my circumstances. I'm through with these people around here. I could have never been in a most UNpatriotic place! So called "friends" dropped from the face of the earth!!?  Family...what is that!? I only hear from a handful! There has got to be a better way of reaching out to military families!!? I know I can't be the only one feeling this way!!? Even my church has dissapointed me....they have no clue. Guess its no ones fault...but this is where ya wish you lived on a miltary post. I mean when I lived in Clarksville, TN....complete strangers treated me better than this!! WHY!? Cause they knew what it was like!! I think I'm through venting for now. Just hope and pray that things will get better. There has been so much on me since the hubby left....:( I miss'em!! Some days are just hard...

*Lil' Update*

It has been almost a year since my last blog. ALOT has happened since then. To much to put in just one blog, some have been good and some have been bad, but in all, all has been well. The Lord continues to bless the Johnson family. He has been my Rock during all my troubles. I would have failed if I didn't have Him to lean on. I've also have had such great joy knowing he is my Lord and savior. He has taught me to forgive, be humble, and give others words of wisdom. I'm still learning and He is still teaching. We continue our journey as He still molds and shapes us. To be continued... 

~The Johnson Family :)

The Fight...thats worth fighting for!

Fight!?...you wander...What fight!?
The fight for your marriage!!
Yes...I'm not at all afraid to be open to the fact that Kenny and I have had our share of battles. Some where it felt like there was no hope, no happiness, no love! On June 30th...we celebrated our 8th year of marriage. We also confessed all our short-comings too. Your probably wandering why would you want to do that on your anniversary!? Well, it was not at all what we had intended for the evening...but it all seemed to just flow out. Its funny how we let temptation stare us in the face, nose to nose and never have the guts to runaway from it. Its funny how we self-consciously do the things we do...knowing in the back of our minds its wrong. Why do we continue to hurt the people we love? Well...I tell ya what!? This man and woman are willing to fight and do whatever it takes for what we believe in! And we believe in our Marriage!! I know my baby loves me...so much so...that he has shown me more than ever within these past few days! There are going to be some changin goin on around here and I'm ready! God brought this man in my life for a reason and some may think its petty for me to say such things...but I believe it! God loves me yall!! :) HE has given me such a good man and 4 beautiful children! If that's not love...I don't know what is? I am so blessed and will fight for what I believe in! I'm sure we will have more battles ahead of us...but I'm sure that this time we will be fully equipped with the armor of God...cause yall I'm willing to fight this battle on the home front with NO FEAR!! Because... Our Marriage is worth fighting for...NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!

Alot is on my mind today...not sure where to begin...
We lost a family member this past week. Wow...what a shocker! I guess we just sometimes take life for granted and think some people can live forever! I don't remember alot of things about cousin Johnny, but I knew he was always sweet to me. Whenever I saw him...he was always giving me a compliment...what a sweetheart! I hate sometimes that our family is so distant and we lose touch with certain family members. I miss our family being close-knit...like it use to be when paw-paw was alive. Its sad that we get so caught up in this fast paced world...that we can never seem to make the time. Time is so precious!! Each time we lose someone...I believe its also God's reminder to us that time is precious and living your life for Him is important! I will be making the trip to AL Friday or Sat. and I'm not at all looking forward to it...under the circumstances, but I want to be there for my family! I love all of them...whether they realize it or not... even if some have said or done hurtful and hateful things...I still, love them ALL!!

May you R.I.P. Cousin Johnny! May Eva (his sister) be waiting for you through those heavenly gates with open arms.

Lord, be with Aunt Mary Helen and her family as they are going through another lose...may you comfort them in knowing that he is in a better place. Be with those who are making the trip to AL and home again...that we may have safe travels! In Jesus name we pray! Amen.

We love you Johnny and you will be truely missed!

A God Sent!

Ok...enough about the negativity about a past relationship gone wrong...lets just say, this time I HAVE left it in the Lords hands. There is nothing more I can do...but be ME! Even after getting hurt again...I will stand tall and just pray that the Lord will soften her heart from her bitterness and one day open her eyes so she may SEE!

On a lighter note...I am SO,SO Truly blessed that the Lord has brought a wonderful friend back into my life. I think he knew I would need her to lean on during these trials and tribulations. She has been AWESOME and I don't know what I would do without her. She is like another sister to me. She has been there to lift my spirits when I was down and has been such an inspiration! I love her so much! We have known each other for 9 years or more and she has seen my life come full circle. We have shared many tears and even have had our share of dis-agreements and quarrels...but we always remained friends. I tell ya...ya can't find them like that anymore. Friendships take work....just like any other relationship. I have to say...she is one that never gave up on me...:*)

This is my YOYO! :) Its funny...cause we prayed for each other during college. We became distant when we both got married...but kept in touch some. It wasn't until the Lord moved her job and it so happened to be close to me...:)
God is awesome and He knows all of our needs!!

Thank-You Lord, for sending me an angel in disguise!
Cecily

WOW!! It has been awhile! Over 2mths to be exact! ALOT has gone on from my last post. Where to begin...? I will start with friendships...
As stated in my last blog I went threw some struggles with one of my "close" friends. The end result...we are on talking terms, but things will never be the same. The issue bothered me so much even after I would pray and pray! I left it ALL in God's hand, but I really felt like HE was speaking to me one Sunday morning. I told myself I was goin to give her one last call (let me mind you that I made several attempts to call her and NO answer). Well...still NO answer....so I left a message pleading that we talk this out today if all possible. I was so ready to let her know that it was all BLOWN way out of context. What really bothered me was that she was willing to let our friendship just go by the Wayside...like she never even knew me...dropped from the face of the earth! After leaving a message...I went to my room and picked up the guitar and played a song/prayer to God....yea sounds weird, but I tend to do that sometimes...it helps me! The phone rang...I dropped the guitar and automatically knew who it was!! She was willing to meet and asked if my hubby would come. I agreed. I was a bit fustrated that the hubby's had to be there considering it was something I was wanting to work out between us. Well...lets just say I'm glad he did come...I'll tell ya why later! We got there and I brought her a few goodies to clear the air. We finally began our long over due conversation...I told her a lil bit how I have been feeling. But then the mic was turned over and I let her talk for the most part. I was a bit disgusted by her way of thinking...I was like WHO is this person!? I began to plea to her my case, but found out quick that she still had her "wall" up and was not listening at all to a word I was saying. To make a long story short, as we were talking inside, the hubby's talked too about the situation. We made it home and I was glad it was Over...sort of. They came over to visit later that day and she saisd she talked to her hubby and that she FORGAVE me. I was a bit taken back that it took her hubby to convince her! I dunno....I just know that things will never be the same...cause you tend to learn alot about a person during a conflict. She forgave me...but what did I really do wrong!? Being honest...!? I was played out to be the "villian"! But I humbled myself and let her "think" so...
Anywho...she has started to call me from time to time and MAYBE we will get back to where we were. I just know God has his plan for WHY she is in my life...guess only time will tell!
--Kids will soon be home...
to be continued...

Honesty...? I'm confused!?

Well...its been along time and of course sense then alot has gone on! But one thing that stands out more than anything or rather something that has been bothering me is...Well...I was totally honest with a friend the other day. I mean...I thought I was being a "real" friend! But since then she hasn't called...yea its only been a day...buts I feel like she has taken it waaaay out of context and put up a defense. I am trying not to worry about it. I simply pointed out what she was doing has been making me and others uncomfortable. It wasn't until I took a step back though and realized why she may be doing the things she was doing. Well, the new girl in the group confided in me about it and then I told her I had felt the same at first (which prolly made it worse). I think I just blew it by being honest with my long time friend or was being honest about it the best thing...? I dunno...I'm a bit confused!? I just know I felt so bad talking about my friend to another (negatively) that I came home to the hubby and crawled in his lap about to cry asking him what should I do and how bad of a person I was. I then called the "new girl" and told her how I felt and didn't want her to think this and that about me since I had talked that way. I dunno...it was just on my conscience and I couldn't rest until I talked to one of them! Well...I ended up talking to BOTH! I think I will let it rest for now. Maybe with a lil time things will get straightened out or either I'll lose a friend or 2...:( Friendships are so hard when you are married with 4 youngens. I think I just need to re-focus!